Lucky to Have You

Over the weekend...CH was away...he went back to his hometown to lose free himself from the tiring city of KL...due to sum technical issue and obligation, this time around I did not follow...of coz with his blessing I spent my time alone in KL : )

Yet every minute I miss him so much...and when his back...this song sound perfect to my ears and suits the love mood we share : )

p.s : Sayang isteri, tinggal-tinggalkan ; )...bila jauh rindu-rinduan

::LUCKY::
"Do you hear me, Talking to you Across the water across the deep blue ocean Under the open sky, oh my, baby I'm trying Boy I hear you in my dreams I feel your whisper across the sea I keep you with me in my heart You make it easier when life gets hard
Lucky I'm in love with my best friend Lucky to have been where I have been Lucky to be coming home again Ooohh ooooh oooh oooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
They don't know how long it takes Waiting for a love like this Every time we say goodbye I wish we had one more kiss I'll wait for you I promise you, I will
Lucky I'm in love with my best friend Lucky to have been where I have been Lucky to be coming home again Lucky we're in love in every way Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed Lucky to be coming home someday
And so I'm sailing through the sea To an island where we'll meet You'll hear the music fill the air I'll put a flower in your hair Though the breezes through trees Move so pretty you're all I see As the world keeps spinning round You hold me right here right now"
:: JASON MRAZ::

Pain

This pain that I feel, is not going away, no matter how hard I try, it still linger in my heart...for a long time I dun feel it’s comprising ...

This pain is so deep, more deeper than losing someone dear, it hurt so much that each time it comes, it’s even severe than the damage of a broken heart, stronger than the feeling of loser who tried to kill himself...this pain is sumthing that I know is the beginning of an ended relationship...

I’ve been call over emotional, over reacted, like a devil is mentoring me...yet, I wonder........what kind of punishment that I deserve to be treated this way...I’ve given almost all of my time and effort to make it work...somehow it fail...it fail real bad...there won’t be any permanent space to be fixed..I guess it’s me, it’s my fault that it fails...but this kind of fault is something that I do not wish to amend...Time will heal yet I doubt I have a lot time...

No one...I meant it when I say no one understand how I felt...no even the closest person to me aka CH, no one..yes no one..not a single soul in the name of human understand how i feel that makes me react that way.....coz, they are not the one who woke up crying in the middle of the nite, facing sleepless nite with eyes wide awake imagining a life of not being somebody, aching heart each time people ask about it in a cynical way, prayer through prayer and waiting for it to happen, blaming myself for each step that minimise the chances of it’s happening, smiling unwillingly to coat the hurtful remark, comprising time and wealth with each visit with only one hope, finding comfort in my own loneliness with reasons to survive this game of fate, abide to the guilt of the fact that I can’t give CH sumthing that he can be proud of....no matter how long this explanation goes...no one understand...

Yet ...people call me emotional...partly as blaming me, partly as comforting me, partly becoz they do not have a better word to choose...so I guess I am emotional...i dun mind being emotional if emotional is the only way than can erase this pain...but i regret..as being emotional has worsen the situation...what said is said..What done cannot be undone..forgiveness is seek, forgiveness is given..yet this pain will stay..Memories will haunt..and each time this pain return, my heart will break into pieces...and only reasons is keeping me sane...God is Fair, everything happen for a reason...a blessing in disguise....but just let me cry...as it the best remedy for the time being....I hope you understand...even so by the end of your reading..I doubt you will.

Life and such

Since this is my first writing in 2009, it would be nice if I can just share a few things that happen to me over the past few days or weeks since we enter the new calendar…well I did not really celebrate the new year as I was not feeling dat well..but kenangan “ nasi lemak + ayam golek + timeless time” with CH is really sumthing that I can remember for a very-very long time : )

I celebrated my birthday with a humble joy as both CH and me went out for a special breakfast..yup this year no fancy dinner for us..But we start the day with sumptuous breakfast...I really enjoy the whole time with him…thanks for the gift...Promise u that I’ll try my best to utilized it okie..hehe...
For mama and papa...i'm always thankful that I had you guys as my parents...

The same day sumthing unexpected happen to us both…a decision that we never thot we will take… I hope and pray that it’s for the best…anggap ia suatu rezeki dan pinjaman dari Allah SWT…

I guess this is my life..certain lane or certain path the queue is just so long…sumtimes I grew tired of waiting…but for other path, it’s like I win a ticket to the express lane..e’thing is just fast and smooth…

But I’m ok with it…I told a fren of mine “kebahagian adalah sesuatu yang kita tentukan”…I start to believe in it too… : )

The other fren of mine told me…miracle will happen…for us both…I trust and believe that too…when it does happen…I’m sure we will shed tears of happiness…

So life…I’m enjoying every moment of it….2009…try to be a beautiful year for ok!

A Yesterday, Goodbye and Hello

It’s feel just like yesterday I’ve said goodbye to year 2007 where so many happiness and satisfaction has been shared and achieved…now without much delay 2008 has come to and end…well what can I conclude about this year in particular…2008…the year begin with my new beginning in work place..from being a stranger I’ve come to nestle quite comfortably with my surrounding, losing someone dear to fate name death, marking the middle of the year with a small operation to treat my fertility issue, a magical vacation with my beloved husband, keeping me wise with so many course and seminars to be attended, slowing down the year with a goodbye waved to my beloved father in law, aunts and uncle’s on their departure for Hajj and witnessing the blessed moments of my dear sis wedding as the grand finale of 2008…

So here I am again…wondering and thinking how soon time flies…2008 has passed with a journey that I shall never forget…personally to me it has been the year of progression though I think 2008 has been the year that I shed many tears of sadness and happiness or just in between for myself and for others…yup..I’ve progress (mentally + spiritually) and so does everything around me … I’m not saying dat I’m not hoping anything new in my life…but let it be just a small part of me hoping as 2008 has educate me with a gud lesson. “We planned but God decide with a better plan”. I pray that each day I’ll be stronger and wiser facing each obstacle from Him with more patience and submission. Never giving up : ) not yet …not ever …

So I’m welcoming 2009 with an open heart, with a great smile and new spirits!

Convincing : Truth or Just Thoughts

I’ve problem within myself…A problem that I realized I may need help with it...I am admitting to you people that I’ve problem of convincing myself…

Not that I’m so good at convincing other but sumwhere inside my heart I know I’m able to convince others with my humble knowledge, experience and sometimes with a little bit of over exaggerating…huhu..

Now my concern is I’m having this one part of me who wanted so much of it to happen till to some extend that I’m just convinced that it will not happen...Ever or just yet...to me…

I’m scared inside…at times I need to remind myself that there is nothing wrong with me, things like this happen, perhaps I need to take a break… a long or just a short break…or maybe a total ignorant of everything and let it be…but then a small voice remind me..God detest those who lose hope…No…I dun wanna lose hope not now, not ever...

And I dun want to let fate decide either without much of my effort, hopes and prayer….

Dear God, dun ever leave me in dismay…for I need you more than I ever know…Ameen…