Puasa Tak Habis Ganti Lagi, Dah...

Entry cum reminder to myself..ahaks.!!

Puasa tak habis ganti lagi, dah sibuk plan nak raya....

Of coz, this year Insya-allah I'll be celebrating my raya with the little one, itu sbb utama kenapa nak excited sgt :)

Ye, mmg betul puasa x sempat ganti lagi, I only managed to ganti 11 days out of 30 days, still a long way to go, but I'm glad with this new role I'm playin alhamdulillah dpt jugak la ganti sikit2. Gastrik sumtimes ada sumtimes hilang, but cabaran nya lebih coz menyusukan Shahzor, haus and letih Ya Amat tiap kali berpuasa. Insya Allah nak cuba berpuasa penuh Ramadhan akan dtg ni. Ya-Allah, mudahkan lah niat hamba mu ini. Oh Gastrik please jgn even tunjuk bayang di Ramadhan ini. Amin.

About raya...yes I know its my 1st time celebrating it as an Ibu to my Little Awesome. Kalau ikut kan hati segala benda nak beli for him, tp igtkan diri sendiri, beli apa yg patut. Bukan apa, raya tahun lepas sgt "down" dgn takde moodnya nak beraya sbb tak puasa, terawih pun ala kadar, solat raya pun tak..semua pun tak la..I'm at the lowest point of health at that time. So this time around my health is all pink and over excited la pulak.......

Apapun, entry ini adalah reminder to myself...NEN jgn OVER...wasadtiah dlm segala Hal...

P/s : This year its gonna be sumthing PEACHY with FRILLS, no beads la..anak I tak selesa nnt. Utk Shahzor pun dah ready. Muahuahaaa!

Me Recently

My life has been upside down, between changing diapers, keeping the house in one piece, constant crying and needy baby, smelly fury cat with his fur all over the wind blow, wifey role, trying to look like a yummy mummy ( dis skin problem is not helping at all and not to mention the extra pounds of unneeded flash).Oh yeah recently I've been doin quite sum justice to the oven by baking some desserts and cakes. I'm proud of it really..hehe.

More to the list is business at home yeah, name it! I've activated my entrepeneur MODE.

I'm struggling to do everything at one go. Gosh I'm really tired, really really tired...but with this new role I'm playin...I've decided to play it HARD...No REGRETS and NO TURNING BACK! C'mon life, Bring it ON.

P/S : Selamat Hari IBU to myself...I hope I deserve it :) Shahzor Zia Ibu Love You!

Smelly Story

That smell is just so addictive - smile. I can live the whole day by just smelling it. Luckily this smell does not involved a pile of money - smile again.

Have you ever been addicted with a certain smell? I know I do! During my studying time I can never get enaf of the Vicks vapour rub smell. I must rub a small amount of it to my nose before I sleep. Thank God that habit has stop or else can you imagine what wud Cinta Hati think of me each time he kiss me? Hahaha!

Then I have this heart shape smelly pillow which I still have it till now, I seriously do not remember when was the 1st time I develop the strong urge towards dat pillow but funny thing is I still have it next to my face every night to sleep with. It's not like I can't go to sleep without it, but having it near to me is just so good, so comfy, so I still hang onto it. Never know when dis addiction will stop though. Well, Cinta Hati doesn't seems to be be bothered with it, in fact when I was hospitalised during my early pregnancy stage, he was so kind to me that when he went home to packs my thing, that smelly pillow is among the things that he brought to the ward. I know, its romantic rite...how sweet! I lurve you dear :)

Now with the little one around, I thot I can never get enaf of his smell but instead I develop this addiction towards smelling, hurmmm more of inhaling actually his little mitten! Yeah, those little mitten dat is design to protect his tiny and delicate little fingers. (Speaking of which, I accidentally cut his thumb with a nail clipper last few days. Wat a careless new mum at work! But thats a diff. story , only putting it here so dat I wud never forget how I hurt him and how careless I am. Bad. Bad. Bad Ibu! I'm sorry son...I truly am) The same mitten dat he use's to wipe off the spilled milk around his tiny mouth, the sweet smelling watery saliva and sumtimes he just suck it whenever he feels like doing so. Well combining it all, the smell is just HEAVEN!

Come 16 May 2011, I will start working...and its all plan in my head (The fact that I plan too much is lately bothering me, sigh! I wonder when was the last time I do sumthing without planning? Nadda! Okay another diff. story line), that I'll just keep one of his unwashed mitten a day before I go to work in my bag and whenever no one is watching, ( dat will definitely be in my own office room...oh yeah lucky me!) I'll just take it out and start inhaling..ahhhaks! At least dat is the least I can do whenever I miss him...huwaa, I hate being away from him even more when it's gonna involved a solid 10-12 hours of my time. Wish I cud be home-stayed mum.(Also a different story line). I wish real hard for this to happen, in the mean time I guess the mitten smell will solve the problem?? Really?

Anak Ibu

Shahzor Zia, kisah yang tertulis atas nama takdir, atas usaha doa dan tawakkal, atas istiqamah yang bersambungan terus...

5.04 am 25 Jan 2011, Shahzor Zia bin Shahrir bernafas buat pertama kali pertama di muka bumi ini. Kelahirannya disambut dengan kalimah-kalimah suci Allah yang Maha Besar, air mata seorang ibu gugur berterusan bukan kerana sakit yang baru lepas dilalui tapi kerana terlalu bersyukur dengan zuriat dalam dakapan itu. Shahzor Zia anak ibu yang sulung, yang menjadi permintaan dalam setiap bicara ibu bersama yang Esa, yang menjadi harapan dalam hati ibu yang tak pernah terdengar oleh sesiapa, yang menjadi mimpi-mimpi indah dalam lena ibu yang panjang. Shahzor Zia menjadi bukti, kasih Allah itu berkekalan, kasih Allah kasih yang terbaik, Shahzor Zia anak ibu..kau zuriat ku dunia dan akhirat.

Emosi Nya Aku

Emosional ke aku? Satu persoalan yang aku selalu juga tanya pada diri ini. Rasanya aku mmg seorang yg beremosi..sebab? Sebab aku suka nangis bila tersentuh dengan sesuatu yang buat aku terasa ( tp airmata ini x la jatuh berderai depan org), I cry when no one is seeing...malu agaknya. Tp depan Cinta Hati, air mata ni laju je nak jatuh..tgk iklan pun boleh nangis...mungkin depan Cinta Hati, aku menjadi siapa sebenarnya aku...takde selindung2..mungkin itu sbb terlebih emosi bila bersama dia.

Sbb lagi...sbb aku cepat meradang, marah dan mengamuk...bagai singa hilang anak kalau aku sudah naik berang. Cakap ikut hati tanpa berfikir or beralas2...janji hati puas..boleh juga aku buat sesuatu yang memberhayakan diri? contoh : aku lari tanpa tujuan?? Kesan kemudian, belakang kira..tp nnt aku menyesal..menyesal tak terhingga..especially when u said sumthing that u never meant it, and hurt the one u care n love...nnt aku nangis lagi atas dasar sesal. Nnt aku mintak maaf untuk yang keberapa kali..lupa aku kira.

Sbb lain..aku tak sanggup buat org menderita..seburuk2 diri ini, aku x pasti kalau2 aku yakin hancurkan kehidupan dan hati org la, aku suka letak diri aku ditempat org itu...empathy feeling aku sgt kuat..empathy and emotional ader kena mengena ke? sbb itu aku cukup menyampah dengan org yang suka sgt menyusahkan kan org lain. Tak boleh tahanlah dengan org yg macam ini.

Sbb lain lagi, sumtimes i love being in the past, hidup dlm kenangan..sbb kenangan itu cukup indah, bila kembali pada kenangan aku senyum tp kadang air mata keluar jugak. Bukan mengenang barang yang hilang, tapi kenangan2 bermakna setiap hari yang lepas buat aku sedar hidup ini terlalu singkat dan terlalu cepat untuk kita biar macam itu aje. Jadi, aku pun tak suka rutin sbb rutin ini sama saja..takde pembaharuan..semua retorik. Haishh, I have to do sumthing about wat I'm complaining now. Takpe itu cerita lain.

Emosi jugak aku ini sbb selalu berpihak hanya pada satu pihak, cepat buat judgement without listening to both especially dengan org yang aku kenal rapat dan baik. Habis yg satu pihak lagi tu terus aku bina tembok...tak baik macam tu, salah macam tu, aku tahu tapi susah sikit nak ubah..maka itulah emotional x bertempat, susah jadi pengadil aku ni.

Cukupla, byk sgt nnt lain pulak yang tertulis - ringkas bicara, aku kenal diri aku...luar dlm semua aku tahu..aku byk kelemahan, tp aku pun tahu dlm lemah itu ada kebaikan yang boleh digilap..setiap hari kita cuba berubah, dlm acuan dan bentuk yang pelbagai..kita usaha, kita istiqamah..kita jgn lupa Tuhan.