Disember Terindah

Mungkin ini adalah Disember terindah sepanjang hidupku...
Masa yg lama bersama tercinta,
Pergi dan pulang senantiasa bersama,
Cinta yang tak pernah kurang dengan manisnya doa,
Harapan besar memegang gelaran seseorang,
Alunan muzik menghias telinga,
Tempat berteduh yang cukup sempurna buat insan seperti aku,
Rezeki dr Tuhan yang lebih dari mencukupi,
Sinar dan harapan yang tak pernah kurang...
Aku bersyukur dengan nikmat mu Tuhan, walau dlm hati wujud rasa kurang,
Aku insan tak sempurna, dan tak akan pernah sempurna, Aku akur jika itu yang terbaik buat ku...cuma doaku ini kuatkan hati, tabahkan semangat dan waraskan logika, selebihnya aku cukup yakin dengan mu Ya Tuhan...

Disember ini tak mungkin berulang lagi..akan aku nikmati hingga terakhir...ini kenangan Disember terindah, ini nikmat Mu yang tak terbalas, ini hadiah dari Mu Ya Tuhan...untuk aku dan juga dia..kerna dia sehagian dr ku, dan aku sebagian dr nya..dan kami sebagian dr tanda kebesaran mu...........

Be With You

Music is not my life, cause I know I can live without music. But music tells the stories of my life, I choose music, not the other way round. As for the moments in my life I choose this song. Enjoy, coz I'm enjoying every word its says ; ). Yes dear, this song goes to you...

It's not always rainbow n butterflies...

I've not been here for quite sumtimes, I'm around but I dun feel like writing in here..but today..I guess I miss my spot here and here I am "bagai sirih pulang ke gagang"...

The only topic I'm gud talking at is always about life, and today is not an exception..life has been stable, I am doing ok and yes I'm fine...work related, interest related....many other things related, I am fine...I guess fine is good.

Soul? My soul has been quite clueless about what life will offer for the next month or year to come..but sumhow deep inside I know coming end Dec 09, life will be pretty busy n hectic..full of life, full of commitment, full of ideas, full of anticipation and excitement, full of it that I'm bit scared to face it. Next year will be a very hectic year for me, CH will soon venture into sumthing that is expected to offer him the passion of a long life career. I'm happy and glad for him, always praying that its the best for him and us..Ameen...

Line...this word just keep on lingering in my thoughts...I can't figure it out completely but have an idea of what line will soon be..it will be part of me, part of my life and my soul. In fact, it has always been. Yes, line.......you see I'm not an easily intepreted person..as simple as you can see is actually the complicated part of me. You dun have to love or care for me, cause I know if I love and care for you its gonna be more than enough to coat for us both. Too much love and care will get you intoxicated..haha!

Pain, ...it has not really gone, when the wheather is bad, this pain will slowly creep back to hurt every angle it cud, damn! But that's okay, I'm prepared for it, I'm used to it.

Thankfulness and Gratefulness : I'm still very much alive, able to contribute back to my family and society, able to perform supplication in a sane state of mind, healthy appetite, glowing skin, enjoying every single penny in a meaningful way, people still laugh around me etc n etc...wat more cud I asked?

Dear God, please forgive me for all the sins I've made...I've try to be a better person each day, and if I succeed is all becoz of you but if I fail, it's myself to be blamed.

Durian Feast

It’s that season of the year again. The season with unpleasant smell to some, but a delightful smell to others. For me and CH, it’s the best season of the year, a fiesta that has always been awaited for. Lucky for us, to share the same taste of madness towards this King of Fruits.

Last weekend, after a phone call from an Uncle ( we call him Chulan) who’s in charge of taking care the Durian orchard that belongs to the granddad of CH, we decided to went back to CH hometown and there begins the durian feast of the year.

Welcoming us is the great smell of Pengat Durian, Maksu homemade cooking is always difficult to turn away, and we enjoy the whole big bowl of Pengat Durian with of coz the glutinous rice.

Dinner is served with sambal tempoyak ( mind you the fresh flesh of durian meshed with chillies and anchovies) is a super addicted paste that can keep you wanting more and more…at the end you feel sinful to eat that much..owww…

I thot, that was the only durian feast ( besides that , we were served with continuous fresh durian peel straight from the orchard, the easiness of eating durian in Chulan’s place is like eating chips from a packet of Mister potato ( koyak, seluk and makan) , but breakfast on the next day is a surprise to me..Maksu is mashing the durian flesh with some sugar and flour…ohh and she’s is preparing a durian fritters…nyum2 is was simply delicious…ever wonder the taste with some vanilla ice-cream on top…marvelous!

There goes my weekend, spending time with love one ( accompany him to make him happy), fulfilling my duty and obligation as a wife and nurturing my natural taste bud…yes I’m a Durian addict…

My Career Shift...Big ???

I dream to do something more with my life and the right brain of mind have been pushing me into getting hers rights, so much that lately I've been very emotional with almost every aspect of my life.
I've got to channel my creativity and interest to do something that makes me happy and at the same time would be able to contribute income to support my daily needs.
All though trained in accounting by background I yield more in life, I love's number as it is the most accurate measurement for all achievement that I've achieved so far…Numbers in terms of my education line, my career line, my bank account saving, my age…yup I must admit that I'm a big fan of numbers...numerology yeah dat is so into me or i'm so into dat..erm?
Numbers and creativity do work hand in hand…they do skip together…they share the same journey…lately they cry together ???

Unlocked?

I'm sitting in front of my laptop, and again start thinking about what I really want in life...lately I've been meeting and talking to people from my circle that remind me how I used to be...with them I can be my real me...true colors are reveal and shinning even stronger …truth is I love being with them…not that I pretend to be sumone else with others is just that with them...word spoken is truth..half lie always result to truth..care is sincere..advise is for good...I can be outspoken while knowing nobody gets hurt..I can admit my own weakness coz I know they will search my strength...I can laugh and most I can cry letting down my tears without caring who's looking…while talking...I’ve realized how I’ve changed and how my life has changed..And all that I used want to be and has been, seems doesn't really matter anymore...I live for today as if tomorrow is so far ahead (half lie, coz I can get in my monotonous mode on the weekday) ...the only thing that keep my spirits alive every minute of my day is my love towards people that I care most and the thought that they has always been there for me and loving me in each of their own way... plus I've promise CH that I wanna grow old with him...most of my life I let nature work it cause…and I know God has fated the best for me…

Sumthing struck me when they (yeah this circle of people that I’ve meeting asked me when will I leave my job...live my dream as the perfect housewife...I smile and I smile again...yeah words were spoken, reasons were being given, justification and so on and on..yet I cud not answer to myself…when the time is right I guess...very subjective...typical me....

However, I'm glad...that the gate is always open for me to walk through..3 years back the gate was lock and guarded...slowly the guard left...then the lock were unlocked...And now the gate is wide open...just waiting for me to walk through...I will, god willing...but before that I want to ensure I'm emotionally ready to walk through it coz I'm hoping deep inside once I walk in...I want to enjoy every minute in it without any hesitation for turning back...

So let me just hang around a little while...enjoying the view from a far, anticipate what waits for me there...I know there is possibilities that the gate will be locked again...but I'm taking my chance here...after all that’s what life is all about : ) erm...yer ker?

Excited

We are planning for a short gateway..Just the 2 of us, and timing is just perfect coz this 8th May...its our 11 years of being together : ) Syukur , Alhamdullilah to Allah SWT for letting us to be together till today, I know our time may sound immaterial to some, to be honest I dun really care about numbers, as I always believe dat love should be timeless, doesn’t matter how long or how short of a time you know a person if you can click well then it will just do…my case in particular, when I first met him, everything just went well , true there are some obstacles and we still do face some challenging moments together (mana ada hubungan yg sempurna, tp kita cuba untuk berasa selesa dan membuat yg terbaik dlm setiap hubungan kita sesama manusia), but deep inside I just knew he’s my person…and God willing he will always do.

A’way, about this trip…suddenly I fell really funny (that make me wanna blog this), it’s a short drive, short break but my preparation is like we are going there for a month! For God sake, dari semalam dah start packing ok! Huahaha…CH called me in the office this morning, and told me that he’s happy too see the way I get to excited..thehheee…

I was communicating with a friend regarding this trip…and she reminded me to bring all important stuff that I couldn’t live without there…of coz this picture collage is for her! ( Bersungguh2 aku mencari gmbr2 ini dari google ok untuk menunjukkan betapa serius dan excitednya diriku ini tentang ini ;p ). Thanks for the entire suggestion babe!

Ok Avillion…here I come!

God Decide : He Gives and He Takes...

For all the joys and sorrows that I’ve been through for the passed few weeks:-

- God decide best for us, he gives and he takes, we cry as that is part of natural process we let goes our emotions…but that doesn’t mean I’m weak, I know deep inside I’m strong…
- Our relationship grew stronger, not just between CH and me but between me and my parents and between me and my in laws also with close family.
- A friend in need is a friend indeed – the meaning is very broad for me, but I know what I meant and only that matters.
- I become scared but I know I have to overcome this fear, I know that I’ve to be more positive and not think about the past …I know, yes I know only thing is …it’s not that easy as it sounds.
- I believe I have equal chance for it to happen again, Insya-Allah a smooth sailing one.
- Finally an experienced that I’ve always wonders how it felt...
- Dugaan kecil, yg mungkin terjadi untuk mengelakkan Dugaan yg lebih besar...
-I love him more than any word can describe, for all the pain and sorrow does not matter , what matter is his kindness towards me… without equal to all wealth in the world

"Tidak kufahami mengapa terjadi, peristiwa pahit mengguris hati...jalanan hidup ini, sudah tertulis, ku tempuhi dengan kesabaran ku sedar kebesaran mu - Tuhan "

Lucky to Have You

Over the weekend...CH was away...he went back to his hometown to lose free himself from the tiring city of KL...due to sum technical issue and obligation, this time around I did not follow...of coz with his blessing I spent my time alone in KL : )

Yet every minute I miss him so much...and when his back...this song sound perfect to my ears and suits the love mood we share : )

p.s : Sayang isteri, tinggal-tinggalkan ; )...bila jauh rindu-rinduan

::LUCKY::
"Do you hear me, Talking to you Across the water across the deep blue ocean Under the open sky, oh my, baby I'm trying Boy I hear you in my dreams I feel your whisper across the sea I keep you with me in my heart You make it easier when life gets hard
Lucky I'm in love with my best friend Lucky to have been where I have been Lucky to be coming home again Ooohh ooooh oooh oooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
They don't know how long it takes Waiting for a love like this Every time we say goodbye I wish we had one more kiss I'll wait for you I promise you, I will
Lucky I'm in love with my best friend Lucky to have been where I have been Lucky to be coming home again Lucky we're in love in every way Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed Lucky to be coming home someday
And so I'm sailing through the sea To an island where we'll meet You'll hear the music fill the air I'll put a flower in your hair Though the breezes through trees Move so pretty you're all I see As the world keeps spinning round You hold me right here right now"
:: JASON MRAZ::

Pain

This pain that I feel, is not going away, no matter how hard I try, it still linger in my heart...for a long time I dun feel it’s comprising ...

This pain is so deep, more deeper than losing someone dear, it hurt so much that each time it comes, it’s even severe than the damage of a broken heart, stronger than the feeling of loser who tried to kill himself...this pain is sumthing that I know is the beginning of an ended relationship...

I’ve been call over emotional, over reacted, like a devil is mentoring me...yet, I wonder........what kind of punishment that I deserve to be treated this way...I’ve given almost all of my time and effort to make it work...somehow it fail...it fail real bad...there won’t be any permanent space to be fixed..I guess it’s me, it’s my fault that it fails...but this kind of fault is something that I do not wish to amend...Time will heal yet I doubt I have a lot time...

No one...I meant it when I say no one understand how I felt...no even the closest person to me aka CH, no one..yes no one..not a single soul in the name of human understand how i feel that makes me react that way.....coz, they are not the one who woke up crying in the middle of the nite, facing sleepless nite with eyes wide awake imagining a life of not being somebody, aching heart each time people ask about it in a cynical way, prayer through prayer and waiting for it to happen, blaming myself for each step that minimise the chances of it’s happening, smiling unwillingly to coat the hurtful remark, comprising time and wealth with each visit with only one hope, finding comfort in my own loneliness with reasons to survive this game of fate, abide to the guilt of the fact that I can’t give CH sumthing that he can be proud of....no matter how long this explanation goes...no one understand...

Yet ...people call me emotional...partly as blaming me, partly as comforting me, partly becoz they do not have a better word to choose...so I guess I am emotional...i dun mind being emotional if emotional is the only way than can erase this pain...but i regret..as being emotional has worsen the situation...what said is said..What done cannot be undone..forgiveness is seek, forgiveness is given..yet this pain will stay..Memories will haunt..and each time this pain return, my heart will break into pieces...and only reasons is keeping me sane...God is Fair, everything happen for a reason...a blessing in disguise....but just let me cry...as it the best remedy for the time being....I hope you understand...even so by the end of your reading..I doubt you will.

Life and such

Since this is my first writing in 2009, it would be nice if I can just share a few things that happen to me over the past few days or weeks since we enter the new calendar…well I did not really celebrate the new year as I was not feeling dat well..but kenangan “ nasi lemak + ayam golek + timeless time” with CH is really sumthing that I can remember for a very-very long time : )

I celebrated my birthday with a humble joy as both CH and me went out for a special breakfast..yup this year no fancy dinner for us..But we start the day with sumptuous breakfast...I really enjoy the whole time with him…thanks for the gift...Promise u that I’ll try my best to utilized it okie..hehe...
For mama and papa...i'm always thankful that I had you guys as my parents...

The same day sumthing unexpected happen to us both…a decision that we never thot we will take… I hope and pray that it’s for the best…anggap ia suatu rezeki dan pinjaman dari Allah SWT…

I guess this is my life..certain lane or certain path the queue is just so long…sumtimes I grew tired of waiting…but for other path, it’s like I win a ticket to the express lane..e’thing is just fast and smooth…

But I’m ok with it…I told a fren of mine “kebahagian adalah sesuatu yang kita tentukan”…I start to believe in it too… : )

The other fren of mine told me…miracle will happen…for us both…I trust and believe that too…when it does happen…I’m sure we will shed tears of happiness…

So life…I’m enjoying every moment of it….2009…try to be a beautiful year for ok!