I took dis pic while about to sleep, n for no particular reason but trying 2b creative in d middle of d nite. Perhaps it resemble me n my sweet hubby resting in dis proud bedroom of us. Nite nite.
Sunday, December 30, 2007
Twintower Bottle
I took dis pic while about to sleep, n for no particular reason but trying 2b creative in d middle of d nite. Perhaps it resemble me n my sweet hubby resting in dis proud bedroom of us. Nite nite.
Thursday, December 27, 2007
The next step.
xxxxxx
xxxxx, xxxxx Shah Alam xxxxx
47600 Subang JayaSelangor Darul Ehsan
Attention : xxxxx Head of Dept
Cc : xxxxxxHead of HR
RESIGNATION
With reference to the above, I hereby respectfully submit notice of my resignation effective from the date of this letter.
Kindly take note that my last date of duty shall be on the 15th of January 2008.
Allow me to take this opportunity to thank the company for giving me the chance to be part of this dynamic organization. As a token of my appreciation, I shall be pleased to assist in whatever way I can during the transition period. Please feel free to contact me.
I have enjoyed working with XXXX and appreciate the support provided to me during my tenure with this company.
Lastly, I wish the company a continued success in many years to come.
Thank You.
Yours sincerely,
NXX MXXXiXNa
"One of the most tough decision that I've to made as a so called grown up. Once decide, no turning back for me. I hope and pray this is the best for this time being".
xxxxx, xxxxx Shah Alam xxxxx
47600 Subang JayaSelangor Darul Ehsan
Attention : xxxxx Head of Dept
Cc : xxxxxxHead of HR
RESIGNATION
With reference to the above, I hereby respectfully submit notice of my resignation effective from the date of this letter.
Kindly take note that my last date of duty shall be on the 15th of January 2008.
Allow me to take this opportunity to thank the company for giving me the chance to be part of this dynamic organization. As a token of my appreciation, I shall be pleased to assist in whatever way I can during the transition period. Please feel free to contact me.
I have enjoyed working with XXXX and appreciate the support provided to me during my tenure with this company.
Lastly, I wish the company a continued success in many years to come.
Thank You.
Yours sincerely,
NXX MXXXiXNa
"One of the most tough decision that I've to made as a so called grown up. Once decide, no turning back for me. I hope and pray this is the best for this time being".
The result !!
Tahniah ! Anda telah berjaya dan surat tawaran akan dikeluarkan oleh Kementerian/Jabatan berkenaan.
Kementerian/Jabatan :
JABATAN AKAUNTAN NEGARA MALAYSIA, BHG. PENGURUSAN KORPORAT & SOKONGAN ARAS 7, LOT 2G1A, PRECIENT 2, KOMP. KEWANGAN, 62592 PUTRAJAYA.
This make's me smile all day, nervous and wacko of what to decide, what is my next step...
Kementerian/Jabatan :
JABATAN AKAUNTAN NEGARA MALAYSIA, BHG. PENGURUSAN KORPORAT & SOKONGAN ARAS 7, LOT 2G1A, PRECIENT 2, KOMP. KEWANGAN, 62592 PUTRAJAYA.
This make's me smile all day, nervous and wacko of what to decide, what is my next step...
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
2007 . 2008
Dalam keadaan yg cukup sedar dan waras..
Aku pasti setahun ini hampir berlalu..
Mula lah azam tahun baru kedengaran sana sini
Promosi hujung tahun pun ada kat mana-mana
Cuti hujung tahun pun bermula
Kenduri kawin hampir tiap2 minggu...
2007 sudah cukup penat dan puas melayani kerenah dunia ini..
2007 akan pulang dengan sebuah cerita yg abadi..
2008 pula menjengah tiba..
2008 yg bakal menjanjikan seribu kenangan indah, seribu satu harapan dan impian...
Aku..
2007 tahun yg ku abadikan sebagai tahun yg cukup memuaskan..
Adanya keputusan mendadak yg aku harap dapat mengukuhkan keputusan masa depan..
Yg sekeliling ku pun sama..
pendek kata, 2007 aku berkeputusan mengikut impulse, mengikut gerak rasa..
Entah betul entahkan tidak..namun aku cuba berasa yakin dgn semua keputusan yg diambil.
Aku..
2008 tahun yg aku sendiri tak begitu pasti apa yg akan berlaku.
Namun aku pasti 2008 akan mencubakan,
Tahun untuk aku lebih berdikari.
Tahun untuk aku belajar menerima kenyataan dan hakikat.
Tahun untuk aku lebih berpijak di bumi yg nyata ini..
Tahun untuk aku belajar lebih bersyukur...
Tahun untuk aku berkongsi lebih dgn yg lebih memerlukan..
Tahun untuk aku lebih memaafkan dan pohon maaf..
Azam tahun baruku...
Untuk Tidur dgn azam hari esok..
Dan Bangun dgn azam semalam...
Insya-Allah..
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
My Father My Mentor
Yesterday...
I look at his face..
in his deep thought and wise saying
i listen attentively..
holding to every words of wisdom that he was saying..
vital for the path i'm in..
Gosh how i miss those days.
how we always share our everyday story..
how i complaint almost about e'thing and how he never ever turn his listening ears..
how he critised me to be a better person
and how he praised me to make me feel i'm good enough to earn his score.
Yet, yesterday...i feel that i've created a small gap..
i know i'm no longer that sweet little gul i used to be
i've change and this changes is for a gud reason..
How i wanna cry and hold you thight..
spill out how weak i am inside..
i need u back just the way it used to be
so u will tell me that e'thing will be ok..
and i know u can make e'thing ok for me again..
today things have choose to be this way..
i can only share certain portion of my life with you...
those are neccessary for my other half of life..where only your teachings and values prevail..
This entry is dedicated to my Papa...who has been more than just a father..my guru in life...
my best and worst friend..my humble and deepest thought..my spiritual and physical scale..
I look at his face..
in his deep thought and wise saying
i listen attentively..
holding to every words of wisdom that he was saying..
vital for the path i'm in..
Gosh how i miss those days.
how we always share our everyday story..
how i complaint almost about e'thing and how he never ever turn his listening ears..
how he critised me to be a better person
and how he praised me to make me feel i'm good enough to earn his score.
Yet, yesterday...i feel that i've created a small gap..
i know i'm no longer that sweet little gul i used to be
i've change and this changes is for a gud reason..
How i wanna cry and hold you thight..
spill out how weak i am inside..
i need u back just the way it used to be
so u will tell me that e'thing will be ok..
and i know u can make e'thing ok for me again..
today things have choose to be this way..
i can only share certain portion of my life with you...
those are neccessary for my other half of life..where only your teachings and values prevail..
This entry is dedicated to my Papa...who has been more than just a father..my guru in life...
my best and worst friend..my humble and deepest thought..my spiritual and physical scale..
Wednesday, December 05, 2007
Countryman
Gud morning e’one,
So did e’one had a nice sleep last nite..
While I didn’t, doesn’t mean a’one can rite?
I had a weird dream last nite,
Become a suspect of a traitor, a culprit behind the illegal assembly of a minority group of an unsatisfied civilian.
My face was glued on every corner around the city block,
And repeatedly shown on all TV channel..
I become the hot suspect, top list on the confidential file..
I had to change my look, my long hair was cut to a boyish style..
Gud frens turn against me..
I was terrified to see all the policeman and army with guns searching robustly for me…
Finally in the quest of searching for my own safety..I woke up sweating,,
How relieved I was…saw my sweet hubby was sleeping deep in his own dream..
“ Tidur Sebatal..Mimpi Lain-lain”
This morning I did a post- mortem…
It was becoz of the email circulated in the office that brough me into that dream..
It was becoz of the political discussion I had with my dad that brought me into that dream..
It was becoz of an article I read that nite that brought me into that dream..
And Finally becoz of the care I have for my Beloved Malaysian..that I had that dream..
This morning, on my way to work, I prayed for all Malaysian to live in this wonderful country of ours..
Put aside our belief and opposite thought…
Our great ancestor has fought for the freedom..we should play a role to keep it..
So did e’one had a nice sleep last nite..
While I didn’t, doesn’t mean a’one can rite?
I had a weird dream last nite,
Become a suspect of a traitor, a culprit behind the illegal assembly of a minority group of an unsatisfied civilian.
My face was glued on every corner around the city block,
And repeatedly shown on all TV channel..
I become the hot suspect, top list on the confidential file..
I had to change my look, my long hair was cut to a boyish style..
Gud frens turn against me..
I was terrified to see all the policeman and army with guns searching robustly for me…
Finally in the quest of searching for my own safety..I woke up sweating,,
How relieved I was…saw my sweet hubby was sleeping deep in his own dream..
“ Tidur Sebatal..Mimpi Lain-lain”
This morning I did a post- mortem…
It was becoz of the email circulated in the office that brough me into that dream..
It was becoz of the political discussion I had with my dad that brought me into that dream..
It was becoz of an article I read that nite that brought me into that dream..
And Finally becoz of the care I have for my Beloved Malaysian..that I had that dream..
This morning, on my way to work, I prayed for all Malaysian to live in this wonderful country of ours..
Put aside our belief and opposite thought…
Our great ancestor has fought for the freedom..we should play a role to keep it..
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Where am I now...??
it's been almost a week now...
i'm ok, but somehow i sense sumthing is not rite bout this thing..
now start questioning over my comittment towards it..
start to feel teribble about how to react..
start to feel guilty all the time.
and my long kept dream start to question their every rights..
i guess i'm not really okay..
less shud i be happy..
i'm accomodating to this part of life...
half lie, half truth..
half happiness, half sadness
half hope, half dream..
half u and half me...
slowly it start to shows..
i can neva be that person..
i can neva be like her..
though i adore her so very much..
but we are just 2 different individual with 2 different personality...
i accept it just the way it is..( a tiny voice whisper intensely..you can be her...you can be e'thing you wanna be)
aha..yeah rite...with the same basic foundation in education, in upbringing and circle of equality..i can be her...
shud i give it a try...
Answer : I'm not sure yet......
i'm ok, but somehow i sense sumthing is not rite bout this thing..
now start questioning over my comittment towards it..
start to feel teribble about how to react..
start to feel guilty all the time.
and my long kept dream start to question their every rights..
i guess i'm not really okay..
less shud i be happy..
i'm accomodating to this part of life...
half lie, half truth..
half happiness, half sadness
half hope, half dream..
half u and half me...
slowly it start to shows..
i can neva be that person..
i can neva be like her..
though i adore her so very much..
but we are just 2 different individual with 2 different personality...
i accept it just the way it is..( a tiny voice whisper intensely..you can be her...you can be e'thing you wanna be)
aha..yeah rite...with the same basic foundation in education, in upbringing and circle of equality..i can be her...
shud i give it a try...
Answer : I'm not sure yet......
Friday, November 09, 2007
Time to move on
Finally, there is a light along the hallway.
It’s been a while since I hold this position.
Position that I never imagined that I could handle.
With zero knowledge I start and eventually was able to get a hold of it, which I can consider as good, not very much excellence but it was okay and getting better each coming day.
Although I can feel that the love is slowly blooming,
But deep inside I always knew that this is not what I really want.
I can be good at it, but that’s because I have to,
If I think about it, maybe I’m not pushing to my limits in this position that I hold, and its only because I do not love you in the first place.
I was force to love you and yes I decided long time ago to take you as only a brief destination before I can grew my love to the place it belongs.
Few weeks ago, I met a new place, it’s not technically new since we have met way back then, during my confused state of mind, I guess fate determined that we met again but this time around in a different situations.
You have grew, grew with many colours and talent,
By hearing and observing you, my long lost hope seems to shimmer from every angle I look at , and that makes me happy, at least this time around there is a hope, hope that is possible to amend into reality, at least that what I pray inside.
So to the new position, do well come me with great hopes and opportunity.
To my present position, I tender my farewell to you and do let me depart with blessing.
Fate will once again decide whether we shall encounter in the future ahead.
P/s: I just hope and pray that e’thing will went well. InsyaAllah + Amin.
It’s been a while since I hold this position.
Position that I never imagined that I could handle.
With zero knowledge I start and eventually was able to get a hold of it, which I can consider as good, not very much excellence but it was okay and getting better each coming day.
Although I can feel that the love is slowly blooming,
But deep inside I always knew that this is not what I really want.
I can be good at it, but that’s because I have to,
If I think about it, maybe I’m not pushing to my limits in this position that I hold, and its only because I do not love you in the first place.
I was force to love you and yes I decided long time ago to take you as only a brief destination before I can grew my love to the place it belongs.
Few weeks ago, I met a new place, it’s not technically new since we have met way back then, during my confused state of mind, I guess fate determined that we met again but this time around in a different situations.
You have grew, grew with many colours and talent,
By hearing and observing you, my long lost hope seems to shimmer from every angle I look at , and that makes me happy, at least this time around there is a hope, hope that is possible to amend into reality, at least that what I pray inside.
So to the new position, do well come me with great hopes and opportunity.
To my present position, I tender my farewell to you and do let me depart with blessing.
Fate will once again decide whether we shall encounter in the future ahead.
P/s: I just hope and pray that e’thing will went well. InsyaAllah + Amin.
Friday, November 02, 2007
( I can't Think of a suitable title la )..
Tetiba terasa nak menulis...maka ini hasilnya..
A fren of mine said, org yg sedih suka tulis kisah gembira, org yg gembira suka pulak tulis kisah sedih..sejauh mana kebenaran tu..i leave it to you...
Pagi itu aku bangun dengan penuh rasa syukur, sehari lagi aku diberi peluang mengecapi manisnya hidup ini.....
Ku toleh ke kiri, suami tercinta masik enak tidur..
Satu kucupan yg penuh kasih sayang ku abadikan ke dahinya..
Lantas ku bangun menuju ke kamar mandi dan mengangkat wudhu..
Lalu mengerakkan suami tercinta untuk menunaikan solat subuh berjemaah..
Panjang doa dan wiridnya pagi itu, tak seperti selalu namun aku tekun mendengar dan menadah tangan..
Sesudah mengaminkan doa, aku bingkas bangun mendapatkan tangannya, lantas ku kucup dgn lembut,
Dia rapat menghampiriku..lalu merenung bola mata ku dlm...
"Sayang, abang bersyukur dikurniakan isteri seperti sayang, moga jodoh kita dipanjangkan Allah hendaknya.."
Aku membalas kata2 nya itu dgn senyuman...
Bersiap seala kadar,
Lalu aku lekas turun ke dapur, untuk menyediakan sarapan suami tercinta..
Si kecil molek masih tidur di bilik sebelah..
Pagi itu entah kenapa terasa rajin pula nak memasak ...
Nasi semalam masih ader, lalu menu utama pagi itu nasi goreng dan telur rebus..
kopi o panas kegemaran suami melengkap kan menu pagi itu..
"Amboi, sedap nye bau masakan isteri abang nih.."
"erm rasa dulu..baru boleh puji tau"..balasku..
Segaknya suamiku di pagi ini,
Berkemaja putih berjalur kelabu, dgn cuffling hitam di kiri kanan lengan, berseluar slack hitam gelap,
Lengkap pula dgn bertali leher kotak-kotak warna biru dan kelabu..
Wangian dari Aqua di' Armani menusuk pula ke segenap dirinya..
Dia turun dgn briefcase hitam di sisi..persis seorang ahli korporat yg berjaya..
Terbit rasa bangga tika memandang dia..
Kami berbual kosong tapi entah kenapa aku terasa lain..
Terasa pelik melihat dirinyer yg bercoletah agak lama dr selalu..banyak betul gelak ketawa yg di kongsi di pagi hari itu..
Suratkhabar Utusan yg kuletak disisinya pun tidak di sentuh..
Ah'mungkin tiada urusan penting di pejabat agaknya.. bisik hati kecil ku..jika tidak tentu nak lekas aje..
"Ayah!"....
Si kecik molek turun dgn bantal busuk di usung sekali..
si comel ni, pantang nampak ayahnya, mesti nama itu yg akan disebut selalu..
"Ayah nak g teje ke...Nadira nak itut...nak itut...nak naik kete ayah..."
"meh sini kat ayah sayang", si kecil molek terus berada di dlm dakapan suami ku...
"Ucuk nyer anak ayah ni...budak bucuk tak boleh ikut, kena mandi dulu...tinggal ngan ibu ye sayang, ptg nnt ayah belikan Nadira aiskrim ye..."
si kecil beralih pula ke dakapan ku..
anak kecil itu ku cium bertalu2..sayang anak ibu yg sorang ni..
dlm pelukan ku si kecil terlena semula..
"sayang, bye2 ayah" ..ku gerakkan si kecil..mata bundar nya kembali bersinar..
"ptg nnt ayah beli aiskrim coklat" ye tutur Nadira yg masih pelat ...sama ajer perangai dgn ayahnya..aiskrim perisa coklat kegemaran mereka berdua..
"Abang pergi dulu.."
Dia hulurkan tgn padaku, terusku salam dan cium tgnnya..dahi ku pula diciumnya..
pesan dia..."Jaga diri dan Nadira elok2 ye sayang..nnt kita jumpa lagi.."
"Aduh"..terhiris berdarah jari telunjuk kiriku tika memotong bawang..darah pekat mengalir,
Nadira pula dtg berlari.."ibu ibu..Nadira takut bu".."takut apa syg??" "Tu tu ader org pakai baju putih kat luar.."
"dia kata assalamualaikum"...."mana?", aku bingkas ke ruang depan..
takder sesiapa pun di balik pagar..anak kecil ku ini..entah kenapa agaknya..
Namun mata ku terus memerhati sekeliling rumah, sekilas pandang..
pokok -pokok bunga ku tersusun rapi..erm petang nnt akan kusiram bunga2 kertas yg berwarna warni itu..
bunga melur dihujung laman pun dah mula berbunga..jika lalu di lorong kecil taman itu pasti terhidu haruman melur..
rumput 2 pun nampak subur, musim panas bersama sedikit hujan ini byk membantu menjaga taman kecil ku itu...
rumah dua tingkat yg didiami sejak 3 tahun lalu ini telah ku jaga rapi dan kemas..
Nadira mari dekat ibu, si kecil molek terus merehat kan diri dlm pangkuan ku..
sambil berbuai di anjung rumah..leka aku mengomel dgn si kecil..
"Nadira syg ibu tak" ? sayang.."Nadira sayang ayah..ibu...sayang baju kuning Nadira jugak.." jwbnya bersahaja
Tergelak aku mendengar, baju kurung kuning air yg disulam dgn ribbon putih benar2 membuat kan dia suka, asal kering je baju tu nak dipakainyer...
"Kecik 2 dah pandai melawa anak ibu ni.."ku cubit hidungnya manja..dia mengelak bersahaja..
"Anak ibu kalo dah besar nak jadi apa sayang.."
"Nak jd macam ayah, nak tekan komputer, pastu nak cakap telefon macam ayah.."
Aduh kebiasaan suamiku membawa pulang kerja2 pejabatnya rupa2 nyer menjadi perhatian si kecil ini..
aku senyum lagi, sayangnya aku pada zuriat ku yg satu ini..rambut kerintingnya yang lebat ikal itu kupintal lembut, mata bundar dan bibir mungil nyer tu petah benar bercakap, pipi gebu dgn kulit kuning langsat itu menambah kecomelan yg sedia ada..
"Anak ibu, jgn nakal-nakal tau"..pantas dia menjawab .".Tak Nadira gud girl..Nadira dgr cakap ibu dan ayah..."
Nadira leka menonton kartun di TV, biasanya waktu2 begini aku akan panaskan laut dan mengoreng sayur untuk makan malam.
biasanya juga pada waktu ini, suami ku sudah dlm perjalanan pulang...
Tapi kali ini tak terasa pula nak ke dapur, kejap lagi la..
terasa letih pula badan ku hari ini...seminit dua lagi mungkin suamiku akan tiba..
"Nadira sayang, ibu nak baring sekejap ye..Kalo ayah pulang Nadira bangunkan ibu ye..." ku rebahkan badan ke atas sofa.
"ok ibu"..ringkas saja jwp si kecil..
Kurang dari sejam..
Rumah ku sudah dipenuhi orang, ayah ibu dan mertua ku semua ada..
Adik2ku dan ipar duai ku lihat nampak sayu wajah mereka..
Jiran tetangga dan kawan2 rapat pun ader...
Nadira sayang duduk di riba neneknya dgn sepasang kurung kuning air nya itu...
si kecik itu seperti hairan rumah mereka di penuhi org..
bacaan yassin menyelebungi segenap penjuru ...
di tgh rumah sekujur tubuh yg telah tertulis berakhir riwayatnya bersemadi tenang
Di tanah kubur, terasa sejuk air yg mengalir..
berakhir sudah riwayat ku, bunga melur putih dan bunga kertas yg berwarna warni itu menyeri kuburku..
kulihat suami ku dan si kecil Nadira insan terakhir yg meninggalku...
Buat Nadira dan suami tercinta...syukurku pada Allah kerana menghadirkan kalian dlm hidupku..
Buat yg lain, ampun kan dosa dan halalkan makan minum ku..
( ok tak payah pk dia mati kenapa...dun be too investigative nor imaginative..just read..hehe)
A fren of mine said, org yg sedih suka tulis kisah gembira, org yg gembira suka pulak tulis kisah sedih..sejauh mana kebenaran tu..i leave it to you...
Pagi itu aku bangun dengan penuh rasa syukur, sehari lagi aku diberi peluang mengecapi manisnya hidup ini.....
Ku toleh ke kiri, suami tercinta masik enak tidur..
Satu kucupan yg penuh kasih sayang ku abadikan ke dahinya..
Lantas ku bangun menuju ke kamar mandi dan mengangkat wudhu..
Lalu mengerakkan suami tercinta untuk menunaikan solat subuh berjemaah..
Panjang doa dan wiridnya pagi itu, tak seperti selalu namun aku tekun mendengar dan menadah tangan..
Sesudah mengaminkan doa, aku bingkas bangun mendapatkan tangannya, lantas ku kucup dgn lembut,
Dia rapat menghampiriku..lalu merenung bola mata ku dlm...
"Sayang, abang bersyukur dikurniakan isteri seperti sayang, moga jodoh kita dipanjangkan Allah hendaknya.."
Aku membalas kata2 nya itu dgn senyuman...
Bersiap seala kadar,
Lalu aku lekas turun ke dapur, untuk menyediakan sarapan suami tercinta..
Si kecil molek masih tidur di bilik sebelah..
Pagi itu entah kenapa terasa rajin pula nak memasak ...
Nasi semalam masih ader, lalu menu utama pagi itu nasi goreng dan telur rebus..
kopi o panas kegemaran suami melengkap kan menu pagi itu..
"Amboi, sedap nye bau masakan isteri abang nih.."
"erm rasa dulu..baru boleh puji tau"..balasku..
Segaknya suamiku di pagi ini,
Berkemaja putih berjalur kelabu, dgn cuffling hitam di kiri kanan lengan, berseluar slack hitam gelap,
Lengkap pula dgn bertali leher kotak-kotak warna biru dan kelabu..
Wangian dari Aqua di' Armani menusuk pula ke segenap dirinya..
Dia turun dgn briefcase hitam di sisi..persis seorang ahli korporat yg berjaya..
Terbit rasa bangga tika memandang dia..
Kami berbual kosong tapi entah kenapa aku terasa lain..
Terasa pelik melihat dirinyer yg bercoletah agak lama dr selalu..banyak betul gelak ketawa yg di kongsi di pagi hari itu..
Suratkhabar Utusan yg kuletak disisinya pun tidak di sentuh..
Ah'mungkin tiada urusan penting di pejabat agaknya.. bisik hati kecil ku..jika tidak tentu nak lekas aje..
"Ayah!"....
Si kecik molek turun dgn bantal busuk di usung sekali..
si comel ni, pantang nampak ayahnya, mesti nama itu yg akan disebut selalu..
"Ayah nak g teje ke...Nadira nak itut...nak itut...nak naik kete ayah..."
"meh sini kat ayah sayang", si kecil molek terus berada di dlm dakapan suami ku...
"Ucuk nyer anak ayah ni...budak bucuk tak boleh ikut, kena mandi dulu...tinggal ngan ibu ye sayang, ptg nnt ayah belikan Nadira aiskrim ye..."
si kecil beralih pula ke dakapan ku..
anak kecil itu ku cium bertalu2..sayang anak ibu yg sorang ni..
dlm pelukan ku si kecil terlena semula..
"sayang, bye2 ayah" ..ku gerakkan si kecil..mata bundar nya kembali bersinar..
"ptg nnt ayah beli aiskrim coklat" ye tutur Nadira yg masih pelat ...sama ajer perangai dgn ayahnya..aiskrim perisa coklat kegemaran mereka berdua..
"Abang pergi dulu.."
Dia hulurkan tgn padaku, terusku salam dan cium tgnnya..dahi ku pula diciumnya..
pesan dia..."Jaga diri dan Nadira elok2 ye sayang..nnt kita jumpa lagi.."
"Aduh"..terhiris berdarah jari telunjuk kiriku tika memotong bawang..darah pekat mengalir,
Nadira pula dtg berlari.."ibu ibu..Nadira takut bu".."takut apa syg??" "Tu tu ader org pakai baju putih kat luar.."
"dia kata assalamualaikum"...."mana?", aku bingkas ke ruang depan..
takder sesiapa pun di balik pagar..anak kecil ku ini..entah kenapa agaknya..
Namun mata ku terus memerhati sekeliling rumah, sekilas pandang..
pokok -pokok bunga ku tersusun rapi..erm petang nnt akan kusiram bunga2 kertas yg berwarna warni itu..
bunga melur dihujung laman pun dah mula berbunga..jika lalu di lorong kecil taman itu pasti terhidu haruman melur..
rumput 2 pun nampak subur, musim panas bersama sedikit hujan ini byk membantu menjaga taman kecil ku itu...
rumah dua tingkat yg didiami sejak 3 tahun lalu ini telah ku jaga rapi dan kemas..
Nadira mari dekat ibu, si kecil molek terus merehat kan diri dlm pangkuan ku..
sambil berbuai di anjung rumah..leka aku mengomel dgn si kecil..
"Nadira syg ibu tak" ? sayang.."Nadira sayang ayah..ibu...sayang baju kuning Nadira jugak.." jwbnya bersahaja
Tergelak aku mendengar, baju kurung kuning air yg disulam dgn ribbon putih benar2 membuat kan dia suka, asal kering je baju tu nak dipakainyer...
"Kecik 2 dah pandai melawa anak ibu ni.."ku cubit hidungnya manja..dia mengelak bersahaja..
"Anak ibu kalo dah besar nak jadi apa sayang.."
"Nak jd macam ayah, nak tekan komputer, pastu nak cakap telefon macam ayah.."
Aduh kebiasaan suamiku membawa pulang kerja2 pejabatnya rupa2 nyer menjadi perhatian si kecil ini..
aku senyum lagi, sayangnya aku pada zuriat ku yg satu ini..rambut kerintingnya yang lebat ikal itu kupintal lembut, mata bundar dan bibir mungil nyer tu petah benar bercakap, pipi gebu dgn kulit kuning langsat itu menambah kecomelan yg sedia ada..
"Anak ibu, jgn nakal-nakal tau"..pantas dia menjawab .".Tak Nadira gud girl..Nadira dgr cakap ibu dan ayah..."
Nadira leka menonton kartun di TV, biasanya waktu2 begini aku akan panaskan laut dan mengoreng sayur untuk makan malam.
biasanya juga pada waktu ini, suami ku sudah dlm perjalanan pulang...
Tapi kali ini tak terasa pula nak ke dapur, kejap lagi la..
terasa letih pula badan ku hari ini...seminit dua lagi mungkin suamiku akan tiba..
"Nadira sayang, ibu nak baring sekejap ye..Kalo ayah pulang Nadira bangunkan ibu ye..." ku rebahkan badan ke atas sofa.
"ok ibu"..ringkas saja jwp si kecil..
Kurang dari sejam..
Rumah ku sudah dipenuhi orang, ayah ibu dan mertua ku semua ada..
Adik2ku dan ipar duai ku lihat nampak sayu wajah mereka..
Jiran tetangga dan kawan2 rapat pun ader...
Nadira sayang duduk di riba neneknya dgn sepasang kurung kuning air nya itu...
si kecik itu seperti hairan rumah mereka di penuhi org..
bacaan yassin menyelebungi segenap penjuru ...
di tgh rumah sekujur tubuh yg telah tertulis berakhir riwayatnya bersemadi tenang
Di tanah kubur, terasa sejuk air yg mengalir..
berakhir sudah riwayat ku, bunga melur putih dan bunga kertas yg berwarna warni itu menyeri kuburku..
kulihat suami ku dan si kecil Nadira insan terakhir yg meninggalku...
Buat Nadira dan suami tercinta...syukurku pada Allah kerana menghadirkan kalian dlm hidupku..
Buat yg lain, ampun kan dosa dan halalkan makan minum ku..
( ok tak payah pk dia mati kenapa...dun be too investigative nor imaginative..just read..hehe)
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
While I was browsing….
I was browsing the Internet as usual, and was actually looking for an English floral design glassware, so every search that display out the search result I kinda of click and click and click…
And suddenly the “Laura Ashley” baby brand name came out..being a so called one of the many millions of lover of their products, I just click again and when I look at the picture..my heart sank…
Somehow I felt really down..gosh I even feel like crying…ask me why??
Looking at those picture..yes indeed my heart sank. I knew that my life will never be complete until our dream to create our own little family is complete..Life will neva be complete without our own flesh and blood to fit into that special space that has long been created for them..
Cinta Hati kata “ Sabar ye Sayang, belum rezeki kita…Insya-Allah ada tu nnt..”
I appreciate that…those were his answer to assure me that everything will be fine..
Sometimes, it hurts when people can simply pass remarks like “ eh, jgn merancang, tak baik merancang ni” or “ huh, kena kerja kuat sikit, kena usaha lebih” or “ eh awak ni bila lagi ni, takkan asyik nak dukung anak org je” and etc…
It hurt and yes it really hurt…I mean it…so bug off..get someone else whose emotionally strong that you can pick over or pass your most insensitive remarks..
Did it ever occur to them that all happily married couple would want a child of their own as symbol of their undivided love? Or have they ever think that perhaps they have problems of not easily conceived due to certain reasons..no I dun think they will understand, not until it happen to themselves or their loves one..
I appreciate those who are concern, those who keep me up with support and advise
If you truly wanna help, try and understand, please dun just pass remark..I welcome most all the sincere thot that you have for me..
I know, the time hasn’t come yet and for that I would not give up in trying, hoping, dreaming and praying…sumday my sweet little baby gul will be place in this lavish room just like in this picture eh..not that I dun like boys, tapi pic ni is more suitable for baby gul kan…
( attached only 1 pictures, yg berkenan di hati…)
And suddenly the “Laura Ashley” baby brand name came out..being a so called one of the many millions of lover of their products, I just click again and when I look at the picture..my heart sank…
Somehow I felt really down..gosh I even feel like crying…ask me why??
Looking at those picture..yes indeed my heart sank. I knew that my life will never be complete until our dream to create our own little family is complete..Life will neva be complete without our own flesh and blood to fit into that special space that has long been created for them..
Cinta Hati kata “ Sabar ye Sayang, belum rezeki kita…Insya-Allah ada tu nnt..”
I appreciate that…those were his answer to assure me that everything will be fine..
Sometimes, it hurts when people can simply pass remarks like “ eh, jgn merancang, tak baik merancang ni” or “ huh, kena kerja kuat sikit, kena usaha lebih” or “ eh awak ni bila lagi ni, takkan asyik nak dukung anak org je” and etc…
It hurt and yes it really hurt…I mean it…so bug off..get someone else whose emotionally strong that you can pick over or pass your most insensitive remarks..
Did it ever occur to them that all happily married couple would want a child of their own as symbol of their undivided love? Or have they ever think that perhaps they have problems of not easily conceived due to certain reasons..no I dun think they will understand, not until it happen to themselves or their loves one..
I appreciate those who are concern, those who keep me up with support and advise
If you truly wanna help, try and understand, please dun just pass remark..I welcome most all the sincere thot that you have for me..
I know, the time hasn’t come yet and for that I would not give up in trying, hoping, dreaming and praying…sumday my sweet little baby gul will be place in this lavish room just like in this picture eh..not that I dun like boys, tapi pic ni is more suitable for baby gul kan…
( attached only 1 pictures, yg berkenan di hati…)
Monday, September 10, 2007
Six Wonderful Days of My Life
I’ve been out of the office for 6 days...
Yeah beb, 6 straight days in a row...
And that 6 days is the most remarkable day of my life and of course more is yet to come..
kisah nyer begini....
DAY 1
I purposely took leave on Thursday (30/9)...
Breakfast with my hubby is always the best part of my morning time during holiday, best..makan sepuas hati..nyum2..
Then sajer je..booked a hotel in Royal Bintang Damansara...( i know sum of my frens and cousin gelakkan sbb rumah setakat berjongging pun dah smp..hehe)
But I dun care..me and hubby have always wanted to spend a nite there, and the timing was just rite since its a countdown to merdeka..
My coment : The hotel is super good for a 4 star hotel..we stayed at the 8th floor, facing the crowd and pool where a small concert of merdeka was held..
best giler, masa countdown tu...i sang with the crowd..lagu tanggal 31 tu, bunyi macam best sgt and full of spirit...
Then come the firework...its damn cool and fantastic. I’ve never been so close to firework, smp lari belakang my hubby ..terasa takut plak kalo api2 tu jatuh kat kita kan..hehe..
Oh ya..I was pampering my self with a pedicure and manicure session, bershopping ala kadar ( just a plain sandal and a very sweet nite wear)..
kesimpulannyer I had so much fun there..so much laughter and smile was created on that particular day…and the crowd pun taklah menakutkan macam kat bukit bintang sana..
DAY 2
Had the most sumptuous breakfast ( biasalah kan kat hotel, so everything is very much proper)..
Take a romantic stroll along the flea market and buy some unneeded stuff ( wajib tu kalo gi flea market)..
Then went to see my mum and dad, then my aunty yg akan pulang semula ke kota pakistan..sedihnyer...I’m gonna miss her so much..so we cried and hug each other..till next year then…
Malam tu plak, we went to watched The Royal Philharmonic Orchestra… wow....best tau...where the combined the orchestra musical instrument with our own traditional / local performance of wayang kulit..that 2 hours is very much interesting and entertaining,,
and finally had dinner kat kosas riverbank. a.small quite place in Ampang area...
Again I conclude, this is the best day of my life...
DAY 3
Woke up very early in the morning and somehow so full of spirit, had a capati for breakfast..i tell u, mmg best la malaysia ni..any food from any culture pun you can get it at a very cheap price and yummy..
Spend 1 hour in the Borders...decided to buy few light reading...
Spend another hour in TeSco, mengupdatekan brg2 dapur & apa2 yg patut...plus terasa plak nak masak ajak parents dtg makan
The rest of the day, duduk lepak depan TV and play with my hamster yg bucuk tu..
Sharp at 5 'clock, mula lah berhempas pulas memasak...Daging Masak Kurma, Sambal sotong, Ikan Bilis Goreng Kicap & Diperah Limau Nipis, Sayur Campur..paling sedap didgr..bila mama kata sedap...yuhooo...i've passed her standard.......seronok gak dpt berkumpul ramai macam ni..papa. ayah. mama and mama bertukar citer ..so i kinda of listen je since dah penat nak bercakap, while sitting beside my dad..ala lala..terasa manja plak ..hehe..Dlm hati dah terasa sedih sgt…tinggal sehari je cuti…Lusa nak kerja dah…
DAY 4...
Hari ni yg paling best sekali...I woke up so late. Sedar2 dah tghhari....
Suddenly terasa nak pergi Ampang Park, sound familiar...?? Iye shopping complex antara yg terawal di KL ni..
dan tempat yg masa zaman kecik2 dulu paling best untuk pergi.....masa tu kalo sesapa pergi and left me behind, i can make breakdance punya melalak la..
Tempat tu jugak la yg selalu jd tempat persinggahan kalo balik dr sekolah and terasa nak merayau..dulu2 mana ader KLCC..
So a'way, the place does change a lot l..but that cozy restaurant is still there, and i had mee hailam kat situ..so much cheaper then yg kat GE mall tu..
then jalan2...beli2...seronok sgt...I bought a CD "Arabian Nite", My main intention to come here is actually untuk cari CD tu..lepas syok dgt orchestra tu, terasa plak nak cari Arabian nite music arrangement......
malam nak tidur...my hubby told me that the 4 days with me dun feel enaf..sedih plak dgr..if only i can buy time kan... that nite when we went to sleep my sweet hubby told me that he had so much fun with me for the past 4 days, and wish this nite will neve end…so I cried..sedih tau..
My sweet hubby ..my best fren..my lurve…. : ))
DAY 5 & 6
The most unexpected thing happen early morning, where me and hubby decided to balik kg in Dungun...
Mmg tak perfikir langusng malam tu, but i guess Tuhan mendengar doa kami untuk diberikan lebih ruang masa bersama…
So we went back to Dungun dat morning with my parents..
My grandma yg tak berapa sihat tu , nmpk happy and ceria menyambut anak, cucu & menantu balik..i tried my best to spend a lot of time talking to her…and made promise to myself to come back again..at least in another 3 months time..Insya-allah
Selebihnyer tak perlu citer la..balik kg is always related to makan, keropok lekor, laidback, pantai, my small cousins and etc...
But at last, the clock tick to 5.30 pm, after Asr prayer, we left for KL…dgn hati yg mmg berat sgt…
So finally when we reach KL that nite...I just knew that I can no longer escape tomorrow..Semoga Tuhan memberi lagi ruang agar kenangan terindah ini akan terus berulang.....amin
Summary: “Spending time with those people you love most, no matter what doings you perform together, is always the best moment one can have and time can fly by so fast that you hardly noticed it…”...( My dear this entry is for you...yg selalu ader)
Yeah beb, 6 straight days in a row...
And that 6 days is the most remarkable day of my life and of course more is yet to come..
kisah nyer begini....
DAY 1
I purposely took leave on Thursday (30/9)...
Breakfast with my hubby is always the best part of my morning time during holiday, best..makan sepuas hati..nyum2..
Then sajer je..booked a hotel in Royal Bintang Damansara...( i know sum of my frens and cousin gelakkan sbb rumah setakat berjongging pun dah smp..hehe)
But I dun care..me and hubby have always wanted to spend a nite there, and the timing was just rite since its a countdown to merdeka..
My coment : The hotel is super good for a 4 star hotel..we stayed at the 8th floor, facing the crowd and pool where a small concert of merdeka was held..
best giler, masa countdown tu...i sang with the crowd..lagu tanggal 31 tu, bunyi macam best sgt and full of spirit...
Then come the firework...its damn cool and fantastic. I’ve never been so close to firework, smp lari belakang my hubby ..terasa takut plak kalo api2 tu jatuh kat kita kan..hehe..
Oh ya..I was pampering my self with a pedicure and manicure session, bershopping ala kadar ( just a plain sandal and a very sweet nite wear)..
kesimpulannyer I had so much fun there..so much laughter and smile was created on that particular day…and the crowd pun taklah menakutkan macam kat bukit bintang sana..
DAY 2
Had the most sumptuous breakfast ( biasalah kan kat hotel, so everything is very much proper)..
Take a romantic stroll along the flea market and buy some unneeded stuff ( wajib tu kalo gi flea market)..
Then went to see my mum and dad, then my aunty yg akan pulang semula ke kota pakistan..sedihnyer...I’m gonna miss her so much..so we cried and hug each other..till next year then…
Malam tu plak, we went to watched The Royal Philharmonic Orchestra… wow....best tau...where the combined the orchestra musical instrument with our own traditional / local performance of wayang kulit..that 2 hours is very much interesting and entertaining,,
and finally had dinner kat kosas riverbank. a.small quite place in Ampang area...
Again I conclude, this is the best day of my life...
DAY 3
Woke up very early in the morning and somehow so full of spirit, had a capati for breakfast..i tell u, mmg best la malaysia ni..any food from any culture pun you can get it at a very cheap price and yummy..
Spend 1 hour in the Borders...decided to buy few light reading...
Spend another hour in TeSco, mengupdatekan brg2 dapur & apa2 yg patut...plus terasa plak nak masak ajak parents dtg makan
The rest of the day, duduk lepak depan TV and play with my hamster yg bucuk tu..
Sharp at 5 'clock, mula lah berhempas pulas memasak...Daging Masak Kurma, Sambal sotong, Ikan Bilis Goreng Kicap & Diperah Limau Nipis, Sayur Campur..paling sedap didgr..bila mama kata sedap...yuhooo...i've passed her standard.......seronok gak dpt berkumpul ramai macam ni..papa. ayah. mama and mama bertukar citer ..so i kinda of listen je since dah penat nak bercakap, while sitting beside my dad..ala lala..terasa manja plak ..hehe..Dlm hati dah terasa sedih sgt…tinggal sehari je cuti…Lusa nak kerja dah…
DAY 4...
Hari ni yg paling best sekali...I woke up so late. Sedar2 dah tghhari....
Suddenly terasa nak pergi Ampang Park, sound familiar...?? Iye shopping complex antara yg terawal di KL ni..
dan tempat yg masa zaman kecik2 dulu paling best untuk pergi.....masa tu kalo sesapa pergi and left me behind, i can make breakdance punya melalak la..
Tempat tu jugak la yg selalu jd tempat persinggahan kalo balik dr sekolah and terasa nak merayau..dulu2 mana ader KLCC..
So a'way, the place does change a lot l..but that cozy restaurant is still there, and i had mee hailam kat situ..so much cheaper then yg kat GE mall tu..
then jalan2...beli2...seronok sgt...I bought a CD "Arabian Nite", My main intention to come here is actually untuk cari CD tu..lepas syok dgt orchestra tu, terasa plak nak cari Arabian nite music arrangement......
malam nak tidur...my hubby told me that the 4 days with me dun feel enaf..sedih plak dgr..if only i can buy time kan... that nite when we went to sleep my sweet hubby told me that he had so much fun with me for the past 4 days, and wish this nite will neve end…so I cried..sedih tau..
My sweet hubby ..my best fren..my lurve…. : ))
DAY 5 & 6
The most unexpected thing happen early morning, where me and hubby decided to balik kg in Dungun...
Mmg tak perfikir langusng malam tu, but i guess Tuhan mendengar doa kami untuk diberikan lebih ruang masa bersama…
So we went back to Dungun dat morning with my parents..
My grandma yg tak berapa sihat tu , nmpk happy and ceria menyambut anak, cucu & menantu balik..i tried my best to spend a lot of time talking to her…and made promise to myself to come back again..at least in another 3 months time..Insya-allah
Selebihnyer tak perlu citer la..balik kg is always related to makan, keropok lekor, laidback, pantai, my small cousins and etc...
But at last, the clock tick to 5.30 pm, after Asr prayer, we left for KL…dgn hati yg mmg berat sgt…
So finally when we reach KL that nite...I just knew that I can no longer escape tomorrow..Semoga Tuhan memberi lagi ruang agar kenangan terindah ini akan terus berulang.....amin
Summary: “Spending time with those people you love most, no matter what doings you perform together, is always the best moment one can have and time can fly by so fast that you hardly noticed it…”...( My dear this entry is for you...yg selalu ader)
Thursday, August 23, 2007
Returning Home
I woke up this morning with a mixed feeling..
One side of it was quite sad as my sweet hubby is leaving off to Jakarta for work ( sehari je pun..hehe)...so tonite,
He won't be around me to tug me to bed and kiss my forehead gudnite and hug me till i sway into my dream world..eii tak best nyer...
But the other side of me is rushing with joy, coz tonite i'll be spending a nite at my mum's place..
oh yes...my home sweet home, way back then..and still is..
the eagerness of returning home is killing me at work..how i wish the time will go off real fast..
Seriously, my heart and soul dah berlari balik jumpa mama & papa.... only my physical being is left behind...
a'way, back home, my sis is there, my two beloved aunty was also around...my cheeky younger cousin pun ader...
macam meriah sgt....i miss them so very much..macam dah setahun tak jumpa..
so we had dinner ( yummy,... mama & my aunty masak), we had coffee after that while exchanging talk bout’ our day ( me, mama & aunty)...
and finally session untuk bukak hadiah pun smp ( my aunty dah beli awal 2 my house warming gift, siap wrap cantik2...konon kata nak soh i excited..dimana mmg berjaya la tu)..the gift is so pretty and cute and lovely and i love it...( english design wall clock and a cute little lantern)..ermm
looks like she really know my taste...lala...
yg best lagi, papa & mama tersayang belikan baju kurung for this hari raya...touching sgt..dah besar panjang macam gini pun..dorang still treat kitaorg ni macam zaman budak2 dulu...thank you so much....
spending time with them last nite, makes me feel much a happier person..at one point of time, dorang la tempat aku tuju bila satu dunia ni menentang aku..dorang la yg memberi nasihat ikhlas untuk anak yg selalu perasan diri ni betul...bila kita perhati wajah parents kita ni..terbit rasa sayu sgt..rasa sayang sgt..dan terasa nak buat e'thing yg terbaik untuk mereka...we are part of them a'way, so its only natural to feel dat way i guess..
ermm, my sweet hubby call me before he went for sleep..sebelum tu pun dah call twice.. :)rindu sgt...esok malam kita jumpa k..
ok..gudnite world..
esok nak breakfast nasi lemak la...hehe..
P/s : so gud to be back home again...tapi rasa excited nak pindah rumah baru ni pun best jugak..tak sabar nyer...
One side of it was quite sad as my sweet hubby is leaving off to Jakarta for work ( sehari je pun..hehe)...so tonite,
He won't be around me to tug me to bed and kiss my forehead gudnite and hug me till i sway into my dream world..eii tak best nyer...
But the other side of me is rushing with joy, coz tonite i'll be spending a nite at my mum's place..
oh yes...my home sweet home, way back then..and still is..
the eagerness of returning home is killing me at work..how i wish the time will go off real fast..
Seriously, my heart and soul dah berlari balik jumpa mama & papa.... only my physical being is left behind...
a'way, back home, my sis is there, my two beloved aunty was also around...my cheeky younger cousin pun ader...
macam meriah sgt....i miss them so very much..macam dah setahun tak jumpa..
so we had dinner ( yummy,... mama & my aunty masak), we had coffee after that while exchanging talk bout’ our day ( me, mama & aunty)...
and finally session untuk bukak hadiah pun smp ( my aunty dah beli awal 2 my house warming gift, siap wrap cantik2...konon kata nak soh i excited..dimana mmg berjaya la tu)..the gift is so pretty and cute and lovely and i love it...( english design wall clock and a cute little lantern)..ermm
looks like she really know my taste...lala...
yg best lagi, papa & mama tersayang belikan baju kurung for this hari raya...touching sgt..dah besar panjang macam gini pun..dorang still treat kitaorg ni macam zaman budak2 dulu...thank you so much....
spending time with them last nite, makes me feel much a happier person..at one point of time, dorang la tempat aku tuju bila satu dunia ni menentang aku..dorang la yg memberi nasihat ikhlas untuk anak yg selalu perasan diri ni betul...bila kita perhati wajah parents kita ni..terbit rasa sayu sgt..rasa sayang sgt..dan terasa nak buat e'thing yg terbaik untuk mereka...we are part of them a'way, so its only natural to feel dat way i guess..
ermm, my sweet hubby call me before he went for sleep..sebelum tu pun dah call twice.. :)rindu sgt...esok malam kita jumpa k..
ok..gudnite world..
esok nak breakfast nasi lemak la...hehe..
P/s : so gud to be back home again...tapi rasa excited nak pindah rumah baru ni pun best jugak..tak sabar nyer...
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
Buat Ku Tersenyum
Buat seketika, aku terlupa ttg perkara yg selalu sgt aku fikirkan...
entah kenapa..ia menyepi...tak! ia tak hilang cuma menyepi...
aku pun sama..sengaja melontar jauh ttg perkara itu...selesa pulak rasanya begini..,
hati jiwa rasa turut tenang...
betullah tu...kadang2 kita kena pandai memikir kan ttg perkara yg mampu buat kita tersenyum.......
walau dlm hati penuh rasa pedih...
biasalah tu..air mata sedih kadang2 menjadi air mata gembira..
ini lumrah hidup...tak perlu salahkan sesapa pun..
aku tahu aku cukup matang untuk membiarkan perkara remeh seperti itu mengganggu gugat hati yg dah cukup halus ini........
tetiba teringat pulak lagu zaman kanak 2 dulu...enjoy k.....
dan yg penting...satu perkara yg menyedihkan ku itu, mudah saja ku hapuskan dengan 1000 perkara lain yg bisa buatku tersenyum...
"Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens Brown paper packages tied up with strings These are a few of my favorite things"
"Cream colored ponies and crisp apple streudels Doorbells and sleigh bells and schnitzel with noodles Wild geese that fly with the moon on their wings These are a few of my favorite things""Girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes Snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes Silver white winters that melt into springs These are a few of my favorite things""When the dog bites When the bee stings When I'm feeling sad I simply remember my favorite things And then I don't feel so bad"
-My favourite thing : THe Sound oF MusIc 'soundtrack'
entah kenapa..ia menyepi...tak! ia tak hilang cuma menyepi...
aku pun sama..sengaja melontar jauh ttg perkara itu...selesa pulak rasanya begini..,
hati jiwa rasa turut tenang...
betullah tu...kadang2 kita kena pandai memikir kan ttg perkara yg mampu buat kita tersenyum.......
walau dlm hati penuh rasa pedih...
biasalah tu..air mata sedih kadang2 menjadi air mata gembira..
ini lumrah hidup...tak perlu salahkan sesapa pun..
aku tahu aku cukup matang untuk membiarkan perkara remeh seperti itu mengganggu gugat hati yg dah cukup halus ini........
tetiba teringat pulak lagu zaman kanak 2 dulu...enjoy k.....
dan yg penting...satu perkara yg menyedihkan ku itu, mudah saja ku hapuskan dengan 1000 perkara lain yg bisa buatku tersenyum...
"Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens Brown paper packages tied up with strings These are a few of my favorite things"
"Cream colored ponies and crisp apple streudels Doorbells and sleigh bells and schnitzel with noodles Wild geese that fly with the moon on their wings These are a few of my favorite things""Girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes Snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes Silver white winters that melt into springs These are a few of my favorite things""When the dog bites When the bee stings When I'm feeling sad I simply remember my favorite things And then I don't feel so bad"
-My favourite thing : THe Sound oF MusIc 'soundtrack'
Sunday, June 24, 2007
A different perspective….
Life can be very kind to us…
Where your entire dream will just come true at the wink of an eye
Things that we wish for will keep on coming like a pouring rain
Everyone can be very kind & considerate to you..
You can’t keep smiling and feeling happy all the time...
And be thankful and hoping this bless will never come to and end...
But life can also be very mean to us..
When all your problem will comes rushing like a thunderstorm.
Things that you have work really hard to achieved just crumple into pieces
Just rite there at the front of your eye..
When you turn around and see anger faces around you...
The most you can do is to cry out loud and pray that it will go away..
And remind urself again and again, that this are all testing from God..
Life is sway of a rhythms...happy song, sad song, fun song, anger song and etc...Sing as your heart and spirit want to..
This is life. Enjoy the journey...and never think to hard on what the outcome will be..
For you know you have give the best shot of it…
Lesson Learnt:
1- The best thing happen in life when you least expect it to happen
2- We plan but God have greater plan for us...
3- Every one, have their own faith to be determined, we can ‘t do much to change that until they change for their own..
This entry is dedicated for sweet hubby who's always been there for me, he’s kind love and care is irreplaceable with any other thing that I can think off...
Whatever happen, it happen for a reason...I’m always proud of you dear, and will always, I mean forever will have strong faith of what you can do and someday will become of what you always dream off…
For my self for having such a low self esteem for the past few weeks...
For my dear sister who is always scared of trying and seems a bit lost at the moment
For my lil’ brother who always full of confidence...
And for the readers if it may in someway affected you in any ways.. : )
Where your entire dream will just come true at the wink of an eye
Things that we wish for will keep on coming like a pouring rain
Everyone can be very kind & considerate to you..
You can’t keep smiling and feeling happy all the time...
And be thankful and hoping this bless will never come to and end...
But life can also be very mean to us..
When all your problem will comes rushing like a thunderstorm.
Things that you have work really hard to achieved just crumple into pieces
Just rite there at the front of your eye..
When you turn around and see anger faces around you...
The most you can do is to cry out loud and pray that it will go away..
And remind urself again and again, that this are all testing from God..
Life is sway of a rhythms...happy song, sad song, fun song, anger song and etc...Sing as your heart and spirit want to..
This is life. Enjoy the journey...and never think to hard on what the outcome will be..
For you know you have give the best shot of it…
Lesson Learnt:
1- The best thing happen in life when you least expect it to happen
2- We plan but God have greater plan for us...
3- Every one, have their own faith to be determined, we can ‘t do much to change that until they change for their own..
This entry is dedicated for sweet hubby who's always been there for me, he’s kind love and care is irreplaceable with any other thing that I can think off...
Whatever happen, it happen for a reason...I’m always proud of you dear, and will always, I mean forever will have strong faith of what you can do and someday will become of what you always dream off…
For my self for having such a low self esteem for the past few weeks...
For my dear sister who is always scared of trying and seems a bit lost at the moment
For my lil’ brother who always full of confidence...
And for the readers if it may in someway affected you in any ways.. : )
Thursday, May 31, 2007
Sharing is something....
I did something gud today..nothing big but still..
it is something that makes me feel really gud..
so wat was it?
sharing...sharing the lesser with the person who need it most...almost badly as me...
without wanting anything in return..
I shud also thanks to the dearest person that remember to share with me...thank you dear..although u may neva know i dedicate this entry for you..
now, with that small portion..everyone was hoping in their prayers that this time around the prayers is granted...
Insya-allah......
it is something that makes me feel really gud..
so wat was it?
sharing...sharing the lesser with the person who need it most...almost badly as me...
without wanting anything in return..
I shud also thanks to the dearest person that remember to share with me...thank you dear..although u may neva know i dedicate this entry for you..
now, with that small portion..everyone was hoping in their prayers that this time around the prayers is granted...
Insya-allah......
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
When I feel like writing..
I feel like writing...
for my heart is no longer here..
my soul is empty to be filled with anything about here....
my ears ..its just dun want to hear anything relating to this place...
wats wrong with me?
i used to like it here..
i used to love e'one here...
i used to tire up myself for its sake..yet i'm doing it with happiness..
with every completion with a smile of satisfaction..
is it me?
or is it this place..
i dunno..
yet i care..coz it used to care for me
am i ok?
i think i am?
then wat went wrong?
I decided to move on..
as much as i call it moving on..
but deep inside a small voice whisper intensively..
you are trying to escape dun you..
face it Nen..and end it with pride.....
for my heart is no longer here..
my soul is empty to be filled with anything about here....
my ears ..its just dun want to hear anything relating to this place...
wats wrong with me?
i used to like it here..
i used to love e'one here...
i used to tire up myself for its sake..yet i'm doing it with happiness..
with every completion with a smile of satisfaction..
is it me?
or is it this place..
i dunno..
yet i care..coz it used to care for me
am i ok?
i think i am?
then wat went wrong?
I decided to move on..
as much as i call it moving on..
but deep inside a small voice whisper intensively..
you are trying to escape dun you..
face it Nen..and end it with pride.....
Overreacted?
To my limits i've tried...if failure is meant to be..then let it be.......
one thing about me is that when under a lot of pressure... i usually would not be able to control my stress and my anger...
it can sometimes hurt the feeling of those ppl that i care...stressful emotional and mentally.....(alter ego: so u think only u can be stressed, only you have the biggest problem on earth, is not like u'r saving the world..nen you are not heroes...even heroes face certain failure)
listening to my alter ego.. i do perfectly understand that comparing my level of stress can be very minimal or none at all to certain individual..but when if u put up my problem on only 1 individual.. i just cannot handle it.....it is really sad of me to admit it..but this is just me..and lame excuse..
current i'm being stress with
my supplier...for he cannot deliver the things he is supposed to.
my customer is chassing me for this, and i dun like to be pictured as if i had not dun enaf...
i mean, i can undertsand her pressure too..but situations is all beyond my control.
too many internal policy and procedures to bring the things in..
but if i can, ..i would..swear to God ...i want to able to honour my words....
I raise up my voice to my client, which i know i 'm not supposed to...i regret for what i did..
with so many mix up emotion I kinda of burst out to her...for not wanting to accept any excuses.....
say who customer is always rite? well is only applicable to me when i am the customer.....
to my mum i let go my dissapointment, in subtle way i put the blame on her as well..
though i knew she did her best..even spoke to my client explaining how things is...glad she able to calm her down.
things turn out ok..that's wat i can say..its not gud..but it's ok..
work pressure : dun even feel wanna discuss it here........
test pressure : i'm supposed to attend for another option of my career life, a test will be conducted to verify whether i'm the person they are looking for...in few days time i got to study a few financial concept, which i've never pay any attention before..plus i've left my test addicted attitude/ freaking scared when it comes to test or exams long back in my dorm campus.......how am i supposed to find it back.......e'time i look at those material..dun feel like reading at all.........what is wrong with me?? loosing my mind to stupidity and idleness.
I need a space.....space from e'thing and e'one........space and space and space.......fuh i need to seek HIS guidance on this..........
one thing about me is that when under a lot of pressure... i usually would not be able to control my stress and my anger...
it can sometimes hurt the feeling of those ppl that i care...stressful emotional and mentally.....(alter ego: so u think only u can be stressed, only you have the biggest problem on earth, is not like u'r saving the world..nen you are not heroes...even heroes face certain failure)
listening to my alter ego.. i do perfectly understand that comparing my level of stress can be very minimal or none at all to certain individual..but when if u put up my problem on only 1 individual.. i just cannot handle it.....it is really sad of me to admit it..but this is just me..and lame excuse..
current i'm being stress with
my supplier...for he cannot deliver the things he is supposed to.
my customer is chassing me for this, and i dun like to be pictured as if i had not dun enaf...
i mean, i can undertsand her pressure too..but situations is all beyond my control.
too many internal policy and procedures to bring the things in..
but if i can, ..i would..swear to God ...i want to able to honour my words....
I raise up my voice to my client, which i know i 'm not supposed to...i regret for what i did..
with so many mix up emotion I kinda of burst out to her...for not wanting to accept any excuses.....
say who customer is always rite? well is only applicable to me when i am the customer.....
to my mum i let go my dissapointment, in subtle way i put the blame on her as well..
though i knew she did her best..even spoke to my client explaining how things is...glad she able to calm her down.
things turn out ok..that's wat i can say..its not gud..but it's ok..
work pressure : dun even feel wanna discuss it here........
test pressure : i'm supposed to attend for another option of my career life, a test will be conducted to verify whether i'm the person they are looking for...in few days time i got to study a few financial concept, which i've never pay any attention before..plus i've left my test addicted attitude/ freaking scared when it comes to test or exams long back in my dorm campus.......how am i supposed to find it back.......e'time i look at those material..dun feel like reading at all.........what is wrong with me?? loosing my mind to stupidity and idleness.
I need a space.....space from e'thing and e'one........space and space and space.......fuh i need to seek HIS guidance on this..........
Thursday, April 12, 2007
I Finally Found Someone
All of a sudden, this song kinda of hit me back..
Always with the same person : )
I finally found someone, who knocks me off my feet I finally found the one, who makes me feel complete We started over coffee, we started out as friends It's funny how from simple things, the best things begin This time it's different It's all because of you It's better than it's ever been Cause we can talk it through My favorite line was "Can I call you sometime?" It's all you had to say to take my breath away This is it, oh I finally found someone Someone to share my life I finally found the one To be with every night Cause whatever I do It's just got to be you My life has just begun I finally found someone (ooh, someone) I finally found someone (ooh) Did I keep you waiting I apologize I would wait forever just to know you were mine And I love your hair I love what you wear You're exceptional I can't wait for the rest of my life This is it, oh Cause whatever I do It's just got to be you My life has just begun I finally found someone
Bryan Adams & Barbra Streisand
Always with the same person : )
I finally found someone, who knocks me off my feet I finally found the one, who makes me feel complete We started over coffee, we started out as friends It's funny how from simple things, the best things begin This time it's different It's all because of you It's better than it's ever been Cause we can talk it through My favorite line was "Can I call you sometime?" It's all you had to say to take my breath away This is it, oh I finally found someone Someone to share my life I finally found the one To be with every night Cause whatever I do It's just got to be you My life has just begun I finally found someone (ooh, someone) I finally found someone (ooh) Did I keep you waiting I apologize I would wait forever just to know you were mine And I love your hair I love what you wear You're exceptional I can't wait for the rest of my life This is it, oh Cause whatever I do It's just got to be you My life has just begun I finally found someone
Bryan Adams & Barbra Streisand
Thursday, March 15, 2007
Suka Duka Lara
"i've been talking to myself..
i've been thinking a lot lately ...wat am i doing here..
i dun like a'more my presence and existence here..
it tires me..it worries me..it slowly is killing my joy..
i just dun want to be here a'more..
take me away from here...please........"
After a few unpleasant moments in life..
God shower upon me some happy moment yesterday and today..
though i was not really well but he blessed me with the best midday sleep ever that i've not been able to do for quite sometimes...
it was my mum bday, we went to Roadhouse Grill..chill out..a lot of laughters we shared and took a few pictures too...
i really do love my mum and dad..tears is rite now flowing from my cheeks..for i'm afraid to lose them as part of my life...
and for that..i promise to make them happy for as long as i could.....
apart from that, my 2 little cutie ( hamster name Gisselle and Sabel ), we took them about 4 months and yesteday she made me proud with 6 little minnie them..so sweet...makes me once again daydreaming that i too shall have a twins someday.. : )
well this morning..when i reach office..my superior told me that "he" the big boss appreciate my being in this department..well it makes me proud and managed to draw a smile on my dull round face..it like being lifted up once again after so long being trapped in a deep dirty hole.........i managed to take a deep breath huh..
above all, my sweet hubby is always there for me..
at wateva situations i'm facing...from the bad news to the greatest news he's always there...
i remember when we went to that place last month..when that nice guy told us the unpleasant news..i cried and he hold my hands all the way home..
neva ever did he pressure me or ask me a'thing..not until i'm ready to talk about it...
last 2 days somebody hurt my feeling and saying things that too me is such a shallow mind set / ceteknya pemikiran kamu...though i know its a donkey language but it still hurt my feeling..coz, too me...that donkey should neva question me or pass such remarks to me...
again my sweet hubby was there to protect me with his shinning armour : )
our love will always remain as it is for the past ...almost 10 years ...and with time and age...our love will grow even deeper.....ermm suamiku yg manis..saya sayang kamu...
as for now..i will continue to pray and hope e'thing will go just as we planned..........
plus...tak sabar nak pindah rumah baru : ))
i've been thinking a lot lately ...wat am i doing here..
i dun like a'more my presence and existence here..
it tires me..it worries me..it slowly is killing my joy..
i just dun want to be here a'more..
take me away from here...please........"
After a few unpleasant moments in life..
God shower upon me some happy moment yesterday and today..
though i was not really well but he blessed me with the best midday sleep ever that i've not been able to do for quite sometimes...
it was my mum bday, we went to Roadhouse Grill..chill out..a lot of laughters we shared and took a few pictures too...
i really do love my mum and dad..tears is rite now flowing from my cheeks..for i'm afraid to lose them as part of my life...
and for that..i promise to make them happy for as long as i could.....
apart from that, my 2 little cutie ( hamster name Gisselle and Sabel ), we took them about 4 months and yesteday she made me proud with 6 little minnie them..so sweet...makes me once again daydreaming that i too shall have a twins someday.. : )
well this morning..when i reach office..my superior told me that "he" the big boss appreciate my being in this department..well it makes me proud and managed to draw a smile on my dull round face..it like being lifted up once again after so long being trapped in a deep dirty hole.........i managed to take a deep breath huh..
above all, my sweet hubby is always there for me..
at wateva situations i'm facing...from the bad news to the greatest news he's always there...
i remember when we went to that place last month..when that nice guy told us the unpleasant news..i cried and he hold my hands all the way home..
neva ever did he pressure me or ask me a'thing..not until i'm ready to talk about it...
last 2 days somebody hurt my feeling and saying things that too me is such a shallow mind set / ceteknya pemikiran kamu...though i know its a donkey language but it still hurt my feeling..coz, too me...that donkey should neva question me or pass such remarks to me...
again my sweet hubby was there to protect me with his shinning armour : )
our love will always remain as it is for the past ...almost 10 years ...and with time and age...our love will grow even deeper.....ermm suamiku yg manis..saya sayang kamu...
as for now..i will continue to pray and hope e'thing will go just as we planned..........
plus...tak sabar nak pindah rumah baru : ))
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
4 th Jan - A Year Older A Year Wiser
Untuk semua yg dilalui semalam, kalau dpt disimpulkan dengan satu perkataan..i think i will choose Blessed...
yesterday at exactly 5.58 pm i reach my 27 years of life..at this age...and at this date..i paused and reminisce back of what have i achievd so far and of coz yet to achieved..not all i dream for realised but mostly all important thing that a woman wants is here with me..married life..career...social life..e'thing is in the rite track.
Alhamdullilah..this year i have him around to celebrate, not to mention my loving family, my mama n papa dr last week lagi dah belikan colourful bracelet , pagi 2 lagi my aunty and cousin dah excited menyanyi birthday song for me through phone and reminding me to pick up the gift they bought for me, the nite before my sis keep calling me to say that she already bought a birthday gift for me...touching jugak sbb kitaorg baru je baik dr satu kejadian salah faham.. erhggg..partly my mistakes too..hehe..yeah truly I'm blessed with great family
my colleague @ office...they bought this chessy creamy Chocolaty cakes from Secret Recipe for me...thank you for remembering - i'm blessed with good frens...whom I know i can depends to at any situations ...you guys and gals are like brother and sister dah..
other frens yg keep calling and smsing plus YMing..well although we are separated by distances..i appreciate their thought..ermm feel blessed again...
My sweet husband took half day off to prepare a surprise for me....
well he was neva earlier than me to reach home during weekday.
yesterday...the cards , the flowers , the cakes and even the ballons almost make me cry..how truly he care for me...whenever i look at him..i'm just so full of love and care to shower upon him...he sang in a very sweet melody the birthday song..then we dine at fancy restaurant ( candle lite tau ) so romantic...thank u dear for constanly reminding me that you will love me and shower me with kindness forever..those moments and word we share will always be part of me......Insya-allah
A frens of mine touch my heart by saying that i'm always his icon of strong faith to God...it makes me think again..cukup ke amal ibadat yg telah dilakukan..umur semakin meningkat..sepatutnya amalan pun makin bertambah..i shud be close to God than ever..after all the kesenangan yg diberikan nya..i shud be thankful to HIM. Mungkin jugak kawan ku yg meyapa ku semalam seperti menyampaikan amanat Tuhan pada hamba nya yg terkadang 2 lalai...
yg pasti, semalam cukup indah dan bermakna...
dan yg cukup pasti, aku menginginkan keidahan semalam akan berterusan selagi hayatku ada...
dan yg plg lagi pasti, untuk semua terus berjalan dlm alam yg indah...I have to play a vital role......
p/s : Not e'day we think deeply about ourself...tentang diri kita..tentang hubungannya dengan pencipta, dgn insan lain dan dgn alam..
perhaps..we can take our birthday to start on in...at least once a year : )
yesterday at exactly 5.58 pm i reach my 27 years of life..at this age...and at this date..i paused and reminisce back of what have i achievd so far and of coz yet to achieved..not all i dream for realised but mostly all important thing that a woman wants is here with me..married life..career...social life..e'thing is in the rite track.
Alhamdullilah..this year i have him around to celebrate, not to mention my loving family, my mama n papa dr last week lagi dah belikan colourful bracelet , pagi 2 lagi my aunty and cousin dah excited menyanyi birthday song for me through phone and reminding me to pick up the gift they bought for me, the nite before my sis keep calling me to say that she already bought a birthday gift for me...touching jugak sbb kitaorg baru je baik dr satu kejadian salah faham.. erhggg..partly my mistakes too..hehe..yeah truly I'm blessed with great family
my colleague @ office...they bought this chessy creamy Chocolaty cakes from Secret Recipe for me...thank you for remembering - i'm blessed with good frens...whom I know i can depends to at any situations ...you guys and gals are like brother and sister dah..
other frens yg keep calling and smsing plus YMing..well although we are separated by distances..i appreciate their thought..ermm feel blessed again...
My sweet husband took half day off to prepare a surprise for me....
well he was neva earlier than me to reach home during weekday.
yesterday...the cards , the flowers , the cakes and even the ballons almost make me cry..how truly he care for me...whenever i look at him..i'm just so full of love and care to shower upon him...he sang in a very sweet melody the birthday song..then we dine at fancy restaurant ( candle lite tau ) so romantic...thank u dear for constanly reminding me that you will love me and shower me with kindness forever..those moments and word we share will always be part of me......Insya-allah
A frens of mine touch my heart by saying that i'm always his icon of strong faith to God...it makes me think again..cukup ke amal ibadat yg telah dilakukan..umur semakin meningkat..sepatutnya amalan pun makin bertambah..i shud be close to God than ever..after all the kesenangan yg diberikan nya..i shud be thankful to HIM. Mungkin jugak kawan ku yg meyapa ku semalam seperti menyampaikan amanat Tuhan pada hamba nya yg terkadang 2 lalai...
yg pasti, semalam cukup indah dan bermakna...
dan yg cukup pasti, aku menginginkan keidahan semalam akan berterusan selagi hayatku ada...
dan yg plg lagi pasti, untuk semua terus berjalan dlm alam yg indah...I have to play a vital role......
p/s : Not e'day we think deeply about ourself...tentang diri kita..tentang hubungannya dengan pencipta, dgn insan lain dan dgn alam..
perhaps..we can take our birthday to start on in...at least once a year : )
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